I know we went through some difficult times, but those will soon be forgotten and I will look fondly upon the time we had. At first I was a little guarded because I was scared of what you were going to show me and where you were going to take me. You definitely do things differently than what I am used to, but I trust you now. I was intimidated by your beauty and yet so undeniably enthralled in it at the same time. I love your smile and how beautiful you sound when you speak. I wish so badly we could have gotten to know each other better. Thank you for opening up to me letting me see your heart, for letting me capture your beauty but not mask the pain that is still here. A lot of work still needs to be done, and unfortunately, I can’t help you anymore. You will be in my prayers and I know you will figure things out. You are small and yet so strong. Something so much bigger than the both of us brought us together for this time and for that I am so thankful. I learned so much from you. I will share your beauty with those I know, you will be in their prayers as well.

Don’t worry about me. I will be fine. I am going to spend some time with my friend Africa while I figure things out. She has gone through a lot and I am going to see if maybe she needs my help for a bit. As we both know though, my heart is with Canada and I will inevitably go back. I hope we can still be friends and I expect updates on how you are. Take care of yourself. I will miss you.

Love,

Brittany.

twelve hearts’ new cookie-baking ministry.

‘donde esta pablo childers’ trucker hats.

tina’s laugh.

tea.

time to think on bus rides.

the deserted, roofless house three blocks from our abode.

lindsay’s expressions. (unless she’s frowning–Look Out.)

charissa’s smile.

sarah’s sweetness.

cale’s livingstoness.

watching movies on The Big Screen at the gamboa union community church.

the bowl of latte at nyb for $1.75.

stacey’s art.

jason’s sermons.

rachel’s randomness.

painting with my team. who knew?

brittany’s flair.

anne’s hair.

nachos (i NEED them soon or Else…something drastic will happen in my life.)

naomi.

thank you for this summer, twelve hearts! we will never be the same again… (aggghh.)

- A porcelain toilet accompanied by the ability it has to flush.

- The concrete floor I sleep on, which makes it rather impossible for me to get a good night’s sleep on anything more comfortable.

- My brother and parents who drove me insane for the middle 14 years of my life, but who I’m growing fonder of the older we get.

- Coffee. I’ve forgotten what non-instant coffee tastes like… But, instant is better than none at all. Plus, I’m sure Starbucks and Tim Hortons would love to refresh my memory when I get back to Canada.

- And above all this, I am thankful for sandwiches… Just kidding. My God comes first and foremost in my life, followed by family, and then a toss up between coffee and sandwiches, and then the flushable porcelain toilets and uncomfortable, but seemingly adaptable, concrete floor.

The End.

Monday was our free day and instead of going to the mall, as usual, Tina and I walked to the resort. The weather here is insanely hot and humid and the uphill walk produced sweat in areas I need not mention on this blog.

We stepped into the air conditioned café and before we could sit down a waiter greeted us, “Excuse me, what room number?” he asked, suspicion in every word.

Now, I know we were a bit under dressed but for the love of God we didn’t look like dirt balls either – Or maybe we did and I’m just used to it.

“We are not staying here but would like to sit down,” I said with an irritated tone.

The waiter looked at me as if to say, “I have no time for foreigners like you who will not tip well,” and reluctantly led us to our table.

I HATE ASSUMPTIONS. Granted, I’m probably making an assumption about his assumption but I’m trying to make a point here. I TIP WELL! And besides, they automatically include the tip in Panama. So unless he thought we were going to eat and run HIS CONCERNS WERE ILL PLACED.

The waiter filled our coffee cup, pointed the buffet and walked off without a word.

“I think we just bought the buffet,” I whispered to Tina.

“How much does it cost?” Tina asked.

I shrugged my shoulders, “No clue. But eat up.”

Alone at the table my mind began to worry. CRAP! I hope this isn’t “over the top” in price. I tried to figure out what my “over the top” price would be.

They look like they speak English, I thought spotting a couple across the room.

I walked toward them, smiled and sat down.

“Hello,” I began. “Do you speak English?”

“Yes,” replied the man with the black Pirates t-shirt.

“Do you happen to know how much this breakfast buffet costs?” I asked trying my best to hid the concern in my voice.

“No, it comes with our room,” they responded. “But the dinner buffet is $25.”

$25… $25?! ARE YOU TWO OUT OF YOUR MIND?!

“Thank you,” I said getting up quickly, before they could see the steam coming out of my ears.

WHAT THE HELL? THE BUFFET LOOKED DECENT BUT NOT $25 WORTH. Not even $20 worth for that matter. Maybe $10, I would definitely be OK with $10.

Running like a 100m sprinter I shouted to the waitress at the counter, “Excuse me, how much does the breakfast buffet cost?”

“$16.”

My shoulders dropped. Tina made her way back with a plate full of food.

“I found out the cost,” I said in a tone less than enthusiastic.

After biting into her food Tina asked, “Oh yeah, and?”

“$16.”

“$16?”

“Yep. We need to eat $16 worth of this buffet,” I said with a slight smile. “I mean I think I could do that.”

“I just ate a pita before we walked here,” Tina laughed. “I’m already full.”

“$16 unquestionably makes the two of us guests for the day,” I said. “A swim in the pool is undoubtedly included.”

Our breakfast buffet we fell into and could not get out of.

The pool at the bottom was the one we enjoyed for 2 plus hours.

“I always believe that ultimately, if people are paying attention, then we get good government and good leadership. And when we get lazy, as a democracy and civically start taking shortcuts, then it results in bad government and politics.” – President Barack Obama

6 a.m. one of my 11 roommate’s alarms goes off.

for a long time.

sigh. i get up.

8 a.m. go to toilet. no toilet paper.

walk to corner store to buy toilet paper.

(woman at counter laughs as it is my third time this week to purchase this necessity. yes–i am my mother’s daughter–i do know how to buy in bulk. but i also live with 30 other girls. when you’ve got to go, you’ve got to go.)

8:30 a.m. pre-meeting.

9 a.m. meeting.

9:30 a.m. third meeting.

11 a.m. 45-minute bus ride to grocery store with co-leader anne – The Great. The Gorgeous.

try to buy 7 meals for 20-40 people in under an hour.

12: 54 p.m. taxi to cafe to meet students.

1 a.m. spend hours in a cafe surrounded by 17 grocery bags (some of them leaking pineapple juice as sausage defrosts in other bag.)

hours of 1-on-1s with students as the rain pours outside.

4:23 p.m.  david (sidenote: all davids in my life have been Wonderful. this one is no exception) calls.

“take the 11 a.m. bus tomorrow. meet the man with the van by the dinosaur. give him $30.”

check, check.

6:47 p.m. wait for bus in rain with aforementioned grocery bags and students while mosquitoes attack violently.

7:48 p.m. arrive back to church that has become our home.

9 p.m. decide NOW is the right time to do laundry.

this is my real life.

The time spent in Camaron Arriba is full of interesting stories. It was amazing to see all the small details of each day develop into one amazing experience.

One thing that I have noticed the Lord using our team for is to encourage other believers we interact with. I think it is awesome to be able to stir other peoples faith just by having conversations with them. One of the young guys with the medical team was struggling with his beliefs encountered the Lord in a real way and it was an answer to prayer.

During the process of talking to him about his experience we took a walk to talk more in detail. While walking I heard chanting coming from the hills and it was quickened in my spirit to pray against witchcraft and idolatry. I felt that it was important to gather a group of people that where willing to pray and go back out to proclaim the kingdom of God over the community. After a night of diligent and intense prayer/worship one of the guys from the other team and I spent some time in the word reading through 1 Thessalonians. One thing that stuck out and spoke to me fittingly in the situation was in 5:6 – “So be on your guard not asleep like the others. Stay alert and be clearheaded. Night is the time when people sleep and drinkers get drunk. But let us  who live in the light be clearheaded, protected by the armor of faith and love, and wearing as our helmet the confidence of our salvation.”

The following day a small group from our team went on a hike with Susi to photograph some people in the community at their homes. On the way, after deciding to go a different way than originally planned I noticed a hut in the hills that fit the location of where we heard the service the night before. After the hike I talked to Sye a fellow prayer warrior that was involved the night before and told him what I had seen. He talked to pastor Rafael who is familiar with the Ngobe culture and he confirmed that it was indeed “mama tata” worship that we heard. Later that night we decided to take another prayer walk and get closer to the hut and really contend for breakthrough. Two people from our team, two from another and pastor Rafael came along. When we got close there was no one around and we where able to actually go in the hut and pray. Pastor Rafael confirmed once again that it was used for “mama tata” and told us that the mama tata worship is similar to witchcraft and also involves the worship of idols. It was so cool to see how the Lord worked and spoke to me the night before.

After praying in the hut for about an hour and a half a local man showed up saying he came to hear the blessings we where lifting to the Lord. As we continued to pray he and Rafael conversed in spanish and ngobe. Rachel was able to translate from spanish to english for us and it was a huge blessing. The man ended up asking us to come to his house with him.

Being it was 11p.m. it was really dark and we had no idea where we were going. While walking on pitch black jungle like trails the girls realized the guy was not a christian and fear began to over take them. Sye and I prayed against the spirit of fear and broke off any schemes of satan to stop us from going. I remembered the scripture from the night before and declared that we where protected by the armor of faith and love, and wearing as our helmet the confidence of our salvation. Shortly after we arrived at the mans house. He brought his whole family out to receive prayer. His wife and two daughters woke up to a bunch of foreigners at the door ready to pray for them. They asked us to pray that they would receive Jesus in their hearts. After reading some scripture and praying that they would experience the love of the Lord and various other prayers the night came to an end around midnight.

I feel that it was a divine appointment arranged by the Lord for us to meet those people. I am so thankful for the opportunity to pray for the family and express the love of God by being there at such a late hour. The Lord in his unfailing love brought us all the way into the hills of the jungle to express his love to a family that needs to experience it first hand.

I sit here going over the last month and I am struck by God’s work in us and through us. It’s hard to believe the Twelve Hearts have been here so long. It’s been one of the most stretching albeit beneficial times of my life. I feel we have really grown into a family in this time. The funny thing is nothing has gone according to plan, well our plans anyway. God has really ordered our steps.

Lemme tell you what the plan was: First off, we were intending to stay on the Panama YWAM base and when we got here we were informed that it was completely full, there would be no room for us and that we would be staying at a church in an out of the way community called Gamboa. Which turned out to be such a blessing. We arrived to AC, and a full sized kitchen we could use and Internet (Praise God!!!!). I quote Pastor Wilbur “We put in the AC and refrigerator in a month ago. We didn’t know we were preparing for you to come but God did.” That’s really characterized our entire trip. I have learned to be flexible and go with the flow serving in whatever capacity I can.

The first week shifted from an orientation week to getting our hands dirty right off the bat. The “plan” was to spend a night in an indigenous Embera village and see a tribal dance and experience Panamanian food. A torrential downpour came, it was Ju manji style rain, which ended up destroying a good part of a Woonaan village near us. We got the opportunity to come in and move debris and actively show God’s love.

The Twelve Hearts made plans to stay in Panama City in an amazing and cheap hostel which fell through, landing us in a different part of the city. God knew what He was going to do there too. Naomi and Brittany had the opportunity to reach out to a fellow hostel dweller. Tina, Rachel, Cale and Jason met a couple of locals and spent the afternoon with them. Laine and others met a wonderful shop owner named Maria and are continuing to build their friendship and speak truth into her life. All of these were unexpected and unplanned; I love it when it happens that way, then only God gets the credit.

From the city we headed out for a Ngobe village to partner with a medical team there. Instead of focusing fully on photography, the team dove into serving the medical team and helped run the clinic. Unlikely skills were called for that weren’t expected; Tina got to use her dental background to help in dentistry, and I used my random balloon animal making skills to captivate a crowd of Ngobe children, some of which probably never had a balloon before. There was a place for everyone. On top of the medical clinic, we were in charge of all the meals, though20sounding monotonous brought about great team bonding time and good conversations. Jason and Rachel were stirred to prayer walk in the middle of the night and ended up praying for a Ngobe family, God orchestrated the whole thing to show that family how much He loved them.

The Una Voz Arts Festival went far better than planned, our photo exhibit looked awesome, I’d say at least a couple hundred people walked through looking at our photos. It was so encouraging to see so many different cultures coming together to fight injustice. We are now up for the next chapter of the Outreach, I speak for myself and say that I am anticipating God to foil our plans and create something wondrous from our feeble efforts to fight justice and make Him known.

I keep being reminded of Isaiah 55:8 ‘“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord.’

July 12 – 16 Ngöbe Tribe+ helping a medical team + a school in the middle of nowhere. wake up bloody early. long, cold, nice bus ride. hot gas station and .25¢ coffee. crazy ride in 4 wheel drive truck through rivers and up the mountain. make dinner. outhouses – yuck. hard ground, hot, rain dripping on face = sleep? medical clinic. write kids’ weight down. tons of kids. tons of photos. make lunch + clean up lunch = 4 hours. want to sleep. reunited with other group. there is much rejoicing. end day 1, begin day 2. walk down hill for 40 minutes to a village. meet people. pray for people. take pictures of people. walk back…all up hill. sucks. dinner. watch our group beat the teachers in a volleyball match. great worship time. very sticky feeling sleep. last full day! more medical clinic. help with lunch. kids watch us do EVERYthing. end of medical clinic. “bathe” in river. have chocolate for dessert and say goodbyes to school folks. sleep. wake up. pack. leave.. wake up. pack. leave.

We split into groups of two, three and four to pray, read Ephesians and talk to those we met on the streets of the city.

From Stacy and Brittany: “The most meaningful thing we did was when we weren’t doing anything. Sitting there just chillin’, opportunities came to us. Sometimes, you just have to say what’s on your heart and exactly what you believe. Just being completely open and hope that something is planted. Everywhere you go there are people you can talk to, share with and get to know. Simple Evangelism.”

From Rachel: “After having quiet time with the Lord in church, my team stepped outside and greeted by an older man who was selling umbrellas. We were taken aback by his burnt face, missing eye and hole on his left check. We walked away trying to avoid the pressure to buy something. I was thinking about how people who look like him are probably always ignored and people never give him the time of day. I was just like the ones who pass him by. Walking in regret, Tina spoke up and decided that we should get to know him and see him for who he was, an image of God. His name is Jose, he was a mechanical engineer before his accident and now begs for a living.”

From Naomi: “When I went into the city it was different looking at the people. When Maria – a lady we prayed for on Wednesday – told us her story my heart broke. It was one of trials and brokenness, but there was still beauty and the hand of God, in her life, was evident. Even the fact that we were there. The city made me realize how God wants and needs us to bring something explosive to the situation. And amongst the chaos, His calm, still whisper can be heard loudly because in the desperation for love you see God’s children calling out for something better.”

A Glimpse into our city lives: